My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
