I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
