That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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