U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
