Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize