he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
