I feel like abortions should bother me more
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
