Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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