Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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