If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
