you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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