Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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