he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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