At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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