Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
