I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You're like the curious george of whores
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
