I could make wine with my vomit
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
