i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize