Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
