i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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