i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think my moral compass just broke
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