Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize