I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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