My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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