i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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