I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
