Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
