ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
