Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
