His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
