When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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