I'm sorry my penis didn't work
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
