i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are my feet made of real feet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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