The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
