Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
