I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
