Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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