i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here