Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
