I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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