He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
