fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
