It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize