you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
