why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
