it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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