ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
