i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
