i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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