he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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