I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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