am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
