Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
