i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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