There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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