Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
