i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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