God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
