i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize