I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
