did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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