Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize