OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
