I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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