no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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