If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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